I couldn’t sleep again last night. But this time it wasn’t from anxiety, it was from excitement and happiness.
I have had dreams about them, I spend evenings looking at old pictures of them, I keep their handwritten notes and drawings made for me next to my bed. Not a moment has gone by when I haven’t fantasized about hugging them, holding them again.
It hasn’t even been that long. I have been on tour longer than this. The crucial difference is: there was a time not long ago when I was absolutely sure I would never see them again.
I had farewell letters written for each of them on my person when I jumped.
It’s truly a miracle I survived. It’s a miracle I am healthy and heart-beating as I type, instead of decomposing in a box in Kentucky. If one event had been altered by even a second, I would not be here.
But the true miracle, for me, is that I was gifted another opportunity to love my children again.
And this miracle occurs in only 3 hours and 40 minutes!
I can only thank every one of you- family, friends, strangers- for propping me up, strengthening me, helping me to heal my mind. Your kind words of support and love, no matter how big or small, has helped me to find the crux of my second life: DO WHAT IS BEST FOR THE CHILDREN.
This is what I am here for. This is the signpost that I use to navigate through the madness. This includes healing myself so I can be a present and stable father for them. I have self interests, but they are secondary and exist only under the umbrella of serving my children.
All I do, all my choices, in my second life is done for their benefit.
I am grateful to each of you.